Braden Charron hit the ground running at Thunders Arena, challenging all comers, whether veteran or rookie. I bring the power, he boasts. I bring the excitement. Just look how sexy I am! Its hard to argue with the man. He looks like a bronze statue of Hercules, but with a Marine-style high and tight haircut. You might not think that a man this thick and this hard would like playing with dolls, but when we suggested that he break in our new model, Ken, Braden jumped at the opportunity. And when Ken walks in dressed exactly like Baywatch Ken, in Hasselhoff red top and trunks, Braden cant resist bending every little dea of masculine perfection in ways the vinyl version would never stretch. Braden strips the lifeguard threads off Ken, revealing a smooth and chiseled torso far beyond what Mattel could sculpt even if it wanted to. Come prepared in my ring! Braden growls dismissively, then promising, Its gonna be torture all day! Hes not toying with us fans either, as he delivers textbook examples of the camel clutch, crab, elbow drop, claw hold, bear hug, headlock, and nelson, with some stomps and backbreakers tossed in for good measure. Ken fights back, with force and skill, at one point pressing Bradens face to his anatomically correct crotch in a figure-four choke. But it looks unlikely that he will be able to match his brawny opponent in strength or strategy, especially after Braden submits him in a schoolboy-style stretch to end Round 1. Round 2 is gonna be even harder, Braden vows, and hes right in more ways than even he imagines!
